...because sometimes what we want, isn't what we are aching for...

"Restless"

I am the sea on a moonless night,
Calling, falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless aching drops of light
I am the raindrop falling down,
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams,
Even in my dreams

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you

I am the thorn stuck in your side,
I am the one that you left behind,
I am the dried up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won’t run dry

Running hard for the other side
The world that I’ve always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of the saints and hypocrites

Oh blood of black and white and gray
Death and life and night and day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you

I can hear you breathing,
I can hear you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
The tide of tear and pain subside
Laughter drinks them dry

I’ll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I'm looking for you

I can feel you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you
I'm looking for you

Contentment

“Not that I was ever in need for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation…” 

Philippians 4: 11-12a

I've only been on my journey towards contentment for a couple of days now, and its already one of the hardest things I've ever tried to work towards. A few dictionaries describe contentment as

• Satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
• Mentally or emotionally satisfied with the way things are.
• Willing to accept circumstances. 

I’m currently reading a book by Barbara Hughes called “Disciplines of a Godly Woman”

She has entire chapter dedicated to the Discipline of Contentment. In the chapter, she shares this quote about what Christian Contentment is:

“ Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.” –Jeremiah Burroughs

In Philippians 4, Paul states that he learned what it meant to be content in every situation. This gives hope that its possible to get there. It also brings the realization that its something we have to work to get to and that it doesn't come to us naturally. Paul was an old man by the time that he wrote his letter stating that he knew what it meant to be content. Its definitely a process that requires discipline and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

In our world, Its so easy to be tempted by discontent. All we have to do is turn on the TV, open up Facebook, browse Pinterest, or drive down the road. There are so many messages, ads, and signs that tell us we aren't happy unless we obtain something we don't have.

Its incredible how easy it is to be consumed by discontent and not even realize it. For instance, I was just browsing Pinterest the other day looking at creative ideas for decorating my room. When I discovered, that something was happening within my heart. In my heart, it wasn't this innocent hobby of trying to find creative ideas...but, it was looking at all those images and wishing/desiring all these things I didn't have.

Barbara Hughes, uses Eve as an example of just how much we as humans are inclined to discontent. She says that Eve had everything she could ever want. She had a beautiful place to live, a great husband, and she had direct communication with God. But, where she went wrong was that she fell into the sin that all of us struggle with. She listened to that voice that told her that God was holding out on her.

I know that my heart will always be inclined to discontent. I have to train it to think otherwise.

2 Peter 2:20-22 says,

"And when people escape from the wickedness of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again, they are worse off than before. It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life."

Hughes also writes that, we often know God's word and the truth that the gospel brings but we still choose to let ourselves be entangled by all the empty trash that the world tries to offer us. Those words resonated so deep within me because I know I do this!


I know that true contentment will come from knowing God and his word. When I truly grasp all that God is and all that he has done, and that is what I fill my heart with....Then and only then will I truly be content.

"Apart from the only One who can satisfy us, we human beings insatiable--we always want more."

-Barbara Hughes

My word for 2012

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord." 

Psalm 38:9

My good friend Alex, recently wrote a blog about the idea of coming up with 3 words for the New Year. The main purpose of the words is to help set the course for where you hope to go and what you hope to achieve in the coming year. 

I also had the opportunity to attend/work a conference at Pine Cove over New Years and to hear from a great leader and Camp Director, Craig “Dutch” Langemeier. During his chat with the staff, he mentioned focusing in on one character quality that we hope to grow in over the next year.

I could think of several areas that I would love to grow in. But, instead of making a lot of lofty goals and becoming over committed and in the end getting burnt out and giving up on all of them…I’ve decided to commit to one word.

After a lot of thought and prayer, I have decided that my word is contentment.

I hope to share with you in this post why I have chosen this word for my life, and then in another post that will shortly follow I want to share some thoughts about contentment.

When I look at my life, most often I think, "This isn't where I thought I'd be at 25!". I have a strong desire to be a wife and a mother. I've spent pretty much all of my life as a single person and now I'm 25 and I start to wonder, "Ok God. Did you forget about me?"  Right now, this is the biggest thing I struggle with, but I could name other areas in my life where I’ve let discontent creep in.

The frightening part about this is that, I feel like because I’ve been sitting and waiting around for that next step in my life, I’ve been missing out on so many opportunities! I’ve also been missing out on all the satisfaction that comes from fully knowing God!

I know this is going to be a difficult journey for me over the next year, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Paul said in Philippians 4, ”I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.”  It is a learning process, it doesn’t come to us naturally. This brings up my next point, I do have a secondary word which is discipline, because I know this isn't possible without it.

I want to spend time focusing in on God and continuing to learn that everything I desire and everything I need is hidden in him! Also, instead of waiting around for that next step in my life or for that next thing, I want to focus in on the opportunities I have right now and start serving and doing now! 

"Each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him."

1 Corinthians 7:17